I am working hard on a theology class project for Tuesday, but I have my cellphone set to ring every hour so that I can review my Greek vocabulary for the quiz tomorrow.
Paraklesis, on this week's list, is the word for encouragement. I am guessing the word is the same one that results in "Paraclete," the Comforter, the Advocate. The Encourager, we might say.
I could use a little of that.
In the middle of all this homework (which I was hoping to finish tonight but no such luck) I have become aware that my greatest fear in all this is not that I'll be found guilty, but that I'll be found wanting. That, actually, I have nothing worthwhile to say or offer.
Mmm, self-worth (or lack thereof), my age-old nemesis back at work.
And suddenly it occurs to me, that my fear is all about control, that I won't be able to control everything, or anything. If I can't control it, am I a failure?
Today's sermon was about letting go of the need to control. I have to remember that God is in charge, God brought me to this place, God is faithful, God through the Spirit will give me all the words I need.
And I remember, God has filled my life with Paracletes, Encouragers, Advocates. All around me, people who say:
Let me help you
Let me hold you
Let me pray for you
Let me remind you who you are
Let me love you
Let me drive you
Let me feed you
Let me be safe space for you
Let me sit with you
Let me stand with you
I need to let go and let them do their job...