Getting Hooded

Dr. Tinker on the left, yours truly, Dr. Brock.

Still On The Journey

So, as I mentioned, I cleaned out my carrel yesterday. I had been going back and forth in my head -- should I go ahead and do it, or wait until my folks have seen it and come back after graduation to clean it out? -- and finally decided just to do it. Make it part of my closure rituals. So, I did it yesterday.

My carrel has served both as study place and as sacred place, as the top shelf held few books but functioned more as an altar. I have gradually been taking things home -- the boxes of tea, my Hebrew Tanakh and lexicon, a notepad for thoughts, the little pile of notes left by my cielo and my friends -- but the altar pieces stayed. I couldn't bring myself to take them, quite yet.

But I did, yesterday.

The stones and
the turtles and
the Guadalupe candle and
the Salvadoran art piece of the Last Supper and
the icon of St. Cecilia and
the postcard of a Diego Rivera painting that looks like my cielo and
the wooden sculpture of St. Francis I got in Chimayó last summer and
the markers from the commemoration of migrant deaths we did and
the flower petals from my birthday roses (well, those I left scattered at my cielo's and other friends' carrels) and
the dove from the protest we went to in Cuernavaca and
piles of notepaper and
my baseball calendar and
the sticker that says "was columbus a terrorist or an illegal alien?" and
the bottle of ibuprofen and
the photo of me and my cielo and
the BLUE artwork by my godson and
the old baseball I found in the lobby one day and
the postcards from the columbus day Protest and
the icon of Archbishop Romero and
the little glittery tealight holder from my in-care committee with the two little Guatemalan women dolls sitting in it and
my silk hand-painted (by me!) scarf with turtles and celtic trinity knots and moons and
the photo of the tomato-picker's dirt-encrusted hands and
my pen & pencil holder and
my sweatshirt and fleece blanket because it gets so cold up there even in the summer


And I packed them all into the bag, and thought about all the times I had looked at them and gained strength from them and reminded myself of what I was doing. I thought about the sandwiches I'd munched there, and the coffee and cokes drunk there, and the view from the window of the Rockies -- the storms I watched roll over the mountains and timed from the foothills to the moment the rain hit the library windows.

It was a sacred space. Faith and learning and nourishment, and a hiding place from the craziness of school.

----------------------

Today was honors convocation. I won the Justice and Peace Award, which apparently shocked no one but got a huge cheer and some folks even stood up to applaud. Later, when we presented the quilt that arrestees and witnesses had made to the school, the dean said very good things about what we had done and the impact it has had on the school. I was pleased with that.

After lunch was graduation rehearsal. We ran through the program, rehearsed the school songs, and practiced getting in, sitting down, and then getting up to receive our diplomas. The dean of chapel brought a hood so that we could practice being hooded -- and she brought the very hood which will be presented to our graduation keynote speaker, Carlotta Walls LaNier, a member of the Little Rock Nine. Since my family is from Arkansas, this is a great moment for me (and makes up karmically for having to endure shrub sr. at my college graduation...).

Ms. LaNier will be receiving the first honorary doctorate that Iliff has ever given in its history. The dean of chapel brought her hood and told us we would be carrying her legacy, and she would be carrying us. I loved that. When she hooded me, I put my hand where the hood hung at my neck, and she squeezed my shoulders and whispered in my ear that I have already born this mantle well, and will continue to do so in my life.

Well, that was just about too much!

-----------------------------------------

Afterwards, TheologyBabe and I had one last coffee date, and strolled quietly through the DU campus that connects with Iliff, noticing all the beautiful blooming flowers and reminiscing about our time here together. Shortly I will go to my very last class (I have actually not gone to class this week, except for Greek Monday morning...), the theology class, and then out for celebratory ice cream with friends afterwards.

Tomorrow I am cleaning house and writing a sermon for Sunday (my last in this capacity at HappyChurch), and my parents get in late at night.

Friday, I graduate.

-----------------------

BearGoddess asked me yesterday if I'm doing self-care around this big transition. I told her that I actually do transitions pretty well, because Daddy taught us whenever we moved to say good-bye to everything -- not just people but also places, and thank the places for the memories they hold. So I am fairly intentional about transitions like this -- marking the "last time" and giving thanks for sacred places and moments. I feel varieties of emotions -- excitement, nervousness, sadness, tenderness -- which all seems very normal for this kind of event.

Mostly what I feel is thankfulness. Iliff is the first place I ever got to really live into my whole self, and that self has been affirmed and celebrated and loved in so many ways.

There's a hymn from Iona called "The Summons" (which I have known for over 10 years and which we are singing Friday night), which has this line, one of my favorites:

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?

Yes. I can finally say, Yes.

And I say it full of gratitude.

Full of gratitude.

Done.

And done.


Whoa.

Have a Coke and a Smile

I finished another assignment late last night and emailed it to the prof., who has already written back saying it's an A and to cross it off my list.

I nearly wept into the keyboard.

I'll be having a Coke -- ice-cold, in the glass bottle -- with lunch to celebrate.

Here's an update on my "exit strategy," as another of my profs. calls it. What is in red is finished.

GREEK:
--Exegesis Topic (doing this today)
--Text Translation (I think I'm going to to this today also)
--Exegesis paper (5 p.)

FIELD ED.
--Theology of Ministry paper (8-10 p.)
--Evaluations

CONGREGATIONS
--Reflection Paper #1 (3 p.)
--Reflection Paper #2
--Reflection Paper #3
--Website comparison paper (really???)
--Congregational Study final paper (15-20 p.)

RITUAL & WORSHIP
--Chapel Report (4 services attended...report will be written this weekend)
--Group Project (in progress)
--Final Paper

THEOLOGICAL IMAGINATION AND CONSTRUCTION ("TIC") II
--Author Assignment (2-3 p.)
--Embodiment Assignment
--Book Assignment (worksheet)
--Final Paper (our integrated theology. It's churning in the brain)

The Exit Strategy:
Week 1 -- well, that was just reading and getting oriented.
Week 2 -- Theo. of Min. paper, Cong ref. #1
Week 3 -- TIC #1, TIC #2, Cong. #2
Week 4 -- Greek topic, TIC #3
Week 5 -- R&W report, Cong #3
Week 6 -- R&W Final Paper, Gk. Trans.
Week 7 -- Cong. Website thing, Cong. Final
Week 8 -- TRIAL. Field ed. evals on Friday.
Week 9 -- Greek paper, TIC Final Paper
Week 10 -- sleep, graduation paperwork, sermon for June 8th.

Done and Undone

If things get quiet around here for the next few weeks, there's a good reason. A few factors are converging which will mean I am going to be insanely busy.

1 -- I'm graduating June 6th. Here at Iliff, classes continue to meet up to and including graduation day. This means that if you intend to graduate, you have to have all your work in to your profs. 2 weeks early. No one thinks this is a good idea, but that's the way it is. So technically all my schoolwork is due Friday May 23 (some profs give a little more time).

2 -- My trial starts May 19th. Yes, friends, that's the same week at the end of which all my stuff is due. Nice timing, eh? Thankfully, most of my profs are being flexible with me -- some stuff I will turn in *way* early, some a little bit late. The thing will be getting it all done.

3 -- Other little things along the way, like having a birthday (Friday!), lawyer meetings, meetings for the new church start, dates with my cielo, spiritual direction (I started this last week), more Reiki, and in general good self-care so that I can get through this without losing my mind.

Here's what all has to be done, assignment wise (what's in red is already done):

GREEK:
--Exegesis Topic (only a paragraph, but if I have to write it, it counts)
--Text Translation (I'm doing Romans 13:1-7)
--Exegesis paper (5 p.)

FIELD ED.
--Theology of Ministry paper (8-10 p.)
--Evaluations

CONGREGATIONS
--Reflection Paper #1 (3 p.)
--Reflection Paper #2
--Reflection Paper #3
--Website comparison paper (really???)
--Congregational Study final paper (15-20 p.)

RITUAL & WORSHIP
--Chapel Report (attend 4 chapel services and write about it...)
--Group Project (spare me!)
--Final Paper (~10 p. I think)

THEOLOGICAL IMAGINATION AND CONSTRUCTION ("TIC") II
--Author Assignment (2-3 p.)
--Embodiment Assignment (in process, length is relative)
--Book Assignment (worksheet)
--Final Paper (our integrated theology. oh boy...)

Plus a few other graduation details like an exit interview and forms to fill out and what-not.

Yeah. I'm tired just thinking about it. And in fact I had a little freakout when I got it all written down and saw what I'm in for. But it's do-able. It's do-able.

Here's the strategy I worked out to make this all happen:

Week 1 -- well, that was just reading and getting oriented.
Week 2 -- Theo. of Min. paper, Cong ref. #1
Week 3 -- TIC #1, TIC #2, Cong. #2
Week 4 -- Greek topic, TIC #3
Week 5 -- R&W report, Cong #3
Week 6 -- R&W Final Paper, Gk. Trans.
Week 7 -- Cong. Website thing, Cong. Final
Week 8 -- TRIAL. Field ed. evals on Friday.
Week 9 -- Greek paper, TIC Final Paper -- turned in by the 29th at the latest as grades are due on 30th for graduates.
Week 10 -- sleep, graduation paperwork, sermon for June 8th.

Whew. I'm only going to do the essential reading (which is mostly TIC reading), otherwise I won't have time to write. I mean really, if the prof. for Congregations essentially just tells us what we read in his lectures...why do I need to read? I'm just taking notes and identifying things I might want to review to use for my paper.

I decided that for every assignment I knock off the list, I get to celebrate by having a little Coke, the 6 oz. glass bottles.

Cheer me on, y'all, I'm gonna need it!

Update, Light At The End of the Tunnel Version

The UCC polity papers both went off yesterday. Field Ed. eval done. Now working on the theology paper. I have never had so much trouble getting started on a paper. I made a start last Wednesday, which I hated, and ended up in tears. Did my polity instead, hoping a new idea would come up. Started new idea last night, which I hated, and ended up in tears.

Had my cielo pray over my poor exhausted brain, and an idea came to me. Started on that tonight, and finally, thank God, it's going well.

Folks keep reminding me I've had a rough quarter, tiring, and all that. I think also my full-load-every-quarter-so-I-can-graduate-in-three-years insanity is catching up to me. Caught up, perhaps, and occasionally kicking my ass.

And yet last week I was sitting at my carrel in the library, next the the windows with the fabulous views, and looked at my little altar-pieces and books that have sat there all these nearly three years keeping me company, and a wave of grief washed over me.

Thank God for two weeks of spring break, and a trip to Mexico. I. Need. It.

Chugging Along

Mmm...turned in the two ethics papers. Finished the theology journal, it's ready to go. Finished the ID questions for polity. Knocking off an hour or so of Greek study every day.

Just (just! she says!) have the theology paper and two UCC papers left, and the Greek final.

The hormonal outrage of the last week is on its way out. Ahem. This means an uptick in energy and mood for me, just in time!

BlueEyes is taking me to a batting cage on Saturday, and I can't wait. We are going to hit baseball pitches, which I haven't done in ages...we'll see how I do.

Strangely, my right arm and hand are feeling better. I say strangely because I'm doing so much writing. But there it is. I spent Saturday and Sunday sitting on my exercise ball while writing, and then laying out on in every once in a while to stretch out my back. I wonder if that helps.

Off to drill verb forms...I am so ready to be HERE. The picture with the pool shows the green lawn outside the condo where we'll be staying (the interior shots are a different condo). I understand there is a hammock, where I will be doing much laying about and napping...

Correction

I said in the post below that we are going to Mexico with my folks in 3 weeks, but we actually leave TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!! Shows you my level of distraction.

Here's what has to be done between now and then --

• 2 5--page ethics papers, each on a different question, due Wednesday. Don't EVEN get me started on this assignment...
• 10-page journal for theology, almost done, due Thursday.
• 10-page paper for theology, due the 18th.
• 2 5-page papers for UCC polity (one of which is already overdue because of the whole trial fiasco), "due" the 16th (our new due date worked out with the prof).
• 1 page of an ID list for UCC polity, also due the 16th.
• And 1, count 'em, 1 cumulative final in Greek, next Thursday.

I want to get everything but the UCC stuff done by next Friday. Then finish the UCC stuff over the weekend so that the first week of spring break I can enjoy myself without worrying about schoolwork.

Yes, we get two weeks of spring break!

That first week of spring break is self-care extravaganza --

• Monday some of the arrest group is going for a day retreat in the mountains to share our stories about that day. Strangely enough, we have not really told each other our stories of our experiences, just bits and pieces here and there.
• That night, we are all going here for "spa night!"
• Tuesday, my cielo, BearGoddess and I are going for massages and then joining BlueEyes for a sleepover.
• Wednesday, I have a Reiki appointment. I've been trying to get an acupuncture appointment but they have not responded.
  

Plus, I plan on sleeping late every day. I'll help lead the Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services at HappyChurch, and then we're off to Mexico!

Somewhere in there, I guess I need to pack!

A Typical Night...

...sort of!

Me and my cielo, sitting on the couch studying. I had finished up an hour's worth of Greek study, and was reading an essay on UCC Polity.

My cielo was reading the Bible, for Hebrew Bible: Song of Songs!

Who do you think was having more fun? Actually, both of us, because she kept reading lines out to me until I had to ask her to stop. Otherwise neither one of us would get much actual studying done!

Now I've moved to the computer to read some online stuff on UCC Polity. I looked over at the couch and noticed a cat behind my cielo's head. "Hey, you have a cat behind your head," I said. She said, "And one on my feet!"

And then in unison, without prompting, we both quoted Psalm 139: "They hem me in, behind and before..."

Yup.

We are both seminary nerds.

Post-Quarter Crash Mode

(Originally posted June, 2007).

Some of my seminary buddies and I talk about the slump we feel when the quarter is over -- after ten weeks of rushrushrush, writewritewrite, processprocessprocess (if you can), thinkthinkthink, there is this quite discernible collapse for several days after the quarter is done. Part of it, I think, is just physical exhaustion. But it's also intellectual and emotional exhaustion. Not one. more. drop. of thought can be squeezed out of my little brain.

And so we tend to sort of fall into a heap. I, at least, tend to huddle on the couch for a few days watching baseball and bad sitcoms until I snap out of it. The first couple of times this happened, it scared me (and my cielo) a little, because my mood and intertia are eerily like depression. But then I started asking friends, "Does something like this happen to you?" And indeed, I was not alone.

So, I feel heap-like today. But, can't quite huddle up on the couch to ride it out. Responsibilities call, right? So here I am at the church, getting ready to work on the bulletin and start sermon prep. But it's nice to know that when I go home, there is NOTHING I HAVE TO DO.

OK, I need to do a little house-cleaning, but I don't have to study or write or exert in any way the tired, squishy matter in my skull. I can go for a guilt-free walk with my cielo, watch the novela, putter about, read novels. Nice. Ahh. Yeah, I have a sermon to write, but that's ALL I have to write!

On another note -- HappyChurch is still HappyChurch. Had a great Celtic-themed liturgy yesterday, with two of my profs. also officiating (one to preach for me, whew!) to celebrate Trinity Sunday, which was well-received. I've been talking with the church moderators about the uncontent little old lady and I have to say, I am very impressed with their non-anxious approach to leadership. They did a little "field research" and it turns out the one lady is not the only one who is questioning the changes (they do seem to all be of that generation, though). But rather than try to demonize them, the moderators said, "Huh. This is *our* (as in, the church leaders') fault. We didn't do our homework before jumping into these changes. What a great opportunity for everybody to be educated." They get that I am really just a convenient target, and they don't want me to change.

I mean, you could have tipped me over with a fingerpoke. Does this really happen? Healthy church conflict management?

So, the plan is to remind folks who might express "concern" that the church is simply trying to live out its (very incredible, very inclusive) mission statement, that if there are concerns to please talk to the church leaders. And I'm going to develop a course on immigration for the fall that will address some of the questions. Because, the thing is, everybody here, not just the anxious little old ladies, need to know more about what is going on -- the economic and political realities, etc. -- and so the whole church will get educated. That was the moderators' idea, not just mine.

I have old, deep wounds about church conflict. My dad served two churches, and they both chewed him up and spit him out -- the second church in a particularly nasty manner. Being a preacher's kid in those contexts is so, so hard. Who to trust? Who to believe? Why is this person being so nice to my face when I know they're screwing over my dad in session meetings? Ugh.

So my first response if I get even a whiff of church conflict is to go into paranoid mode. This is it, here we go, it's gonna be bad, I'm gonna get hurt...A few years ago I realized how deep those wounds are and how truly unhelpful those reactions are -- constantly wary, constantly suspicious, and that is no way to be a loving, non-anxious leader. But still, it was hard to trust that there was another alternative.

And, it is still hard to trust. I want to believe that my sense that this is a healthy church is true. That the church leadership not only has *my* back, but -- more importantly -- has the church's back as well (because this is not really about me at all, of course).

And I know that I am a different person, now, too, than even a few years ago. I'm the one at school trying to model and advocate for non-anxious and loving leadership (among student leaders and trying to hold admin. and faculty accountable, too). There's been a shift in me.

That paranoid mode is still there. And maybe that's good, to an extent, in the sense that it keeps me from being too naive, keeps my eyes open. But the question is, can I override my paranoia with trust? Is this an opportunity to heal old, deep wounds?

Pray with me that it may be so.

Breakdown

(Originally posted May, 2007).

Again, my inarticulate inner turmoil. I love this song, today it rings in the hollow spaces as a plea and a response. Me and You, God.

Red Lights Are Flashing On The Highway
I Wonder If We're Gonna Ever Get Home
I Wonder If We're Gonna Ever Get Home Tonight
Everywhere The Waters Getting Rough
Your Best Intentions May Not Be Enough
I Wonder If We're Gonna Ever Get Home Tonight

But If You Break Down
I'll Drive Out And Find You
If You Forget My Love
I'll Try To Remind You
And Stay By You
When It Don't Come Easy

I Don't Know Nothing Except Change Will Come
Year After Year What We Do Is Undone
Time Keeps Moving From A Crawl To A Run
I Wonder If We're Gonna Ever Get Home

You're Out There Walking Down A Highway
And All Of The Signs Got Blown Away
Sometimes You Wonder
If You're Walking In The Wrong Direction

But If You Break Down
I'll Drive Out And Find You
If You Forget My Love
I'll Try To Remind You
And Stay By You
When It Don't Come Easy

So Many Things That I Had Before
That Don't Matter To Me Now
Tonight I Cry For The Love That I've Lost
And The Love I've Never Found
When The Last Bird Falls
And The Last Siren Sounds
Someone Will Say What's Been Said Before
Some Love We Were Looking For

But If You Break Down
I'll Drive Out And Find You
If You Forget My Love
I'll Try To Remind You
And Stay By You
When It Don't Come Easy

Patty Griffin
(you can hear the song here, although with Brokeback Mountain clips. Just close your eyes and listen.)

Will You stay by me? Will we ever get home? My best intentions may not be enough. So many layers to this song...so many layers to my broken heart at the end of a quarter of diving into the church's sinful antisemitic depths, with all of its echoes into racism and colonialism...spiritual and bodily violence. I don't know if Patty meant the song this way or not, but it's a prayer, my prayer...it's just love I'm looking for. But sometimes it's so hard to find.

Unexpected Delight

(Originally posted May, 2007).

I'm hiding out in a coffee shop enjoying a bit of "anonymous time..."

I sure was melancholy in this space last week (i.e. here and here). I'm still in a quiet, tender interior space, sorting things out, wrestling with questions about faith and theology and Christology...so much reading in the history of antisemitism in the church should provoke wrestling questions, and that doesn't surprise me; that's what I signed up for, after all.

Nevertheless, trying to reformulate my own theology in such a way that no one suffers for it -- what Rosemary Radford Ruether calls "peace without victims" -- is hard and tiring work. It is necessary work that requires one's heart to be broken, and I'm thankful for the opportunity. Perhaps that sounds strange but I believe it to be so.

In the midst of all this, one of the things I am coming to recognize is that in the whirlwind there is a centered place of gratitude, gratitude for the unexpected delights of my life.

**My cielo, of course, is always a delight. She surprised me this week with her tears of thankfulness for my life, for the fact of my life and my living. It was touch and go there for a few months several years ago. I am moved by her.

**HappyChurch continues to be a wonderful place to be. After the benediction I always walk to the back of the sanctuary to greet people as they head out; today, as the choir sang the -- what's the opposite of an introit? an extroit? hmm -- I looked over the congregation and up at the choir and was almost overwhelmed with, well, happiness. I haven't been with them long, and I already love them. I do. And they receive me with such delight -- about which the less-secure part of me wonders why? -- and I am thankful to be with them. I was not expecting at all to be asked to pastor any church, much less HappyChurch, right now, but this is truly a gift.

**My favorite prof., who, even in the midst of her busy life, took time with me last week to listen to me rather inarticulately try to express my pain and confusion and struggle about what we are learning in her class (she's guiding us through the antisemitism history) and the implications it has on all that we do (see above). Even though my head felt like it was about to split down the middle from the headache I had, I could see that she cared very much about what I was fumbling to say. Let grace abound, indeed.

**A new friendship emerging, totally unexpected -- I will call her, for now, CoolPastor (I hope she likes the nickname). Unexpected, and a joy. I am so thankful.

I try to put into words what these folks (and others -- BuddyJ, TheologyBabe, SL, others) mean to me but there is something in all of it that goes beyond words. I can only scarcely describe what it means to have this touchstone of gratitude centered in my heart.

...Trying to use words, and every attempt
Is a wholly new start, and a different kind of failure
Because one has only learnt to get the better of words
For the thing one no longer has to say, or the way in which
One is no longer disposed to say it. And so each venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling,
Undisciplined squads of emotion...

(T.S. Eliot, from "East Coker V", from The Four Quartets)

What Is My Problem?

(Originally posted May, 2007).

I should have been done with this paper hours ago. It's not even very hard, just a simple exegesis paper on the use of the verb "to love" in Deuteronomy. Not. Hard.

But I am so distracted. Check this, check that, play with the cats, check the baseball scores, get up and wander around, play solitaire on the computer, check something else, stretch, check the baseball scores again. I feel restless and perturbed -- unsettled -- and I've probably had too much coffee and I just want to finish this and go to bed.

Why is this so hard?

To Do List

(Originally posted March, 2007).

By April 1:

Done:
-Reflection Paper for "Praying for Peace and Justice" class. Due Tuesday.
-UCC History Project. Due Tuesday.

To do:
Classwork:
-UCC Historical Theme paper. Due Tuesday.
-Early Christian History Take-home Final (3 essay questions). Due Thursday.
-Hebrew Quiz on Monday: vocab and conjunctions.
-Hebrew Final on Thursday: cumulative vocab and 70kazillion verb forms.

Schoolstuff:
-Chair Meeting Monday morning of Social Action Committee, to plan:
-Iraq War Anniversary vigil on Friday.
-Meeting with my favorite prof. Wednesday morning. About the only thing I'm looking forward to next week, besides the fact that the quarter will finally be OVER.
-Vision meeting at school Saturday morning (Mr. President, you couldn't think of a better time to meet than the first Saturday of Spring Break???).

Other:
-Bulletin, sermon and presentation for my home church in Portland, where I'm preaching on Mar. 25th.
-Yay, we get to go to Portland!!!
-Meetings with local UCC church that wants me to intern for them this summer while their pastor is on sabbatical. Whoa.
-Finish "60/40" essay for school so they'll let me register again.
-Finish UCC scholarship application and mail it off.
-Do taxes.
-File financial aid paperwork (thank God it's online and easy).

Did I forget anything? God, I hope not.

And yes, I realize that blogging "to do" lists is not on my "to do" list. Neither is playing hand after hand of "Spider Solitaire" trying to come up with something clever to say in my UCC theme paper. What's your point?

Inside Towanda's Head

(Originally posted February, 2007).

I'm supposed to be working on my Early Christian History mid-term, but I can't stop thinking about this:

Is there any point in being a non-violent activist if you are not coming from a place of love? Is activism still non-violent if one doesn't care that one is being divisive, tearing down rather than building up?

I'm preaching on these two texts at chapel next week. I am feeling very convicted by Paul's words. The implications of loving one's enemy -- feeding your enemy, rather than dropping a bomb (literally, or metaphorically) on him/her -- are profound but are leading me into some uncomfortable places in some things I'm involved in, as I try to discern what is the right, yet loving, thing to do.

Anyway...back to logos and soteria and gnosticism...

Droopy Towanda

(Originally posted February, 2007).

I am so tired. The giant mug plus thermos of coffee isn't cutting it today.

Too tired to even list for you everything that needs doing between now and next week.

Yawn.

Must go to prayer class. Do you think she'd notice if I napped during the prayers?

Hey Y'all

(Originally posted November, 2006).

Whew, what a quarter! Finished up, exhausted, a week ago today. I had two finals last Tuesday, one in Hebrew and one in Hebrew Bible. Turned in a 17-page paper for Romans 5 days before that. The Hebrew final was a breeze...I am averaging about 105% in that class. It's a little hard to tell if I'm just good at it, or the quizzes are easy...I think it's a little of both.

Now, the Bible final was two solid hours of writing. 8 scripture IDs, 8 Map IDs, 14 short answer (from a list of about 125 terms), and 2 in-class essays (from a list of six possible questions). My arm is still sore from writing, but I think I did well. The mid-term was exactly the same, except the essays were take-home (my preference, but oh well). The prof. really wants "liberal" Christians to know their Bible, and if you don't after this class, well, you just weren't trying very hard. A great, tough, class.

Thanksgiving was lovely. We had a huge meal with TheologyBabe and her gal...so much food for four people! Yikes. But we had a great time cooking together, eating, and playing with their puppy.

Since winter break started, I've been catching up on my sleep and getting ready to go to Mexico (I leave on Thursday). Iliff is sponsoring a 10-day immersion course in Cuernavaca as a liberation-theology based "ethical praxis" -- that is, understanding ethics and theology in a "third-world" (a phrase I hate, actually) context. A friend of mine told me that I could teach the class, but I'm just happy to get back to Latin America after a long (too long) hiatus. The itinerary is incredible: We'll be meeting with university professors, community and church leaders, Zapatistas, and indigenous leaders to discuss economics, immigration, globalization, gender issues, politics, and more. We'll be visiting community co-ops, indigenous communities, and ruins, and we'll go to mass at the Basilica of La Virgen de Guadalupe. All in 10 fun-filled days! I'm so excited.

We've also been catching up on our movie-watching. We've seen three in three days, and I can recommend them all: The Queen (Helen Mirren for an Oscar, you wait and see); Stranger Than Fiction (Will Ferrell being very un-Will Farrell, and Emma Thompson [really, what more do you need than Emma?]); and Shut Up and Sing, a documentary about the Dixie Chicks and the fallout from Natalie Maines' "I'm embarrassed Bush is from Texas" remark in 2003 -- great music, greatly embarrassing examples of American stupidity, and great courage. After you see it, go buy the album -- give them your support, y'all! They need it, and they deserve it.

Well, I guess that's all the news from Sunshine City...y'all be good while I'm in Mexico, okay?

First Seminary Sermon

(Originally posted July, 2006).

Preached this this morning in class with Renita Weems.

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"Come Away For A While"

Mark 6: 30-33

Come away. Come away by yourselves. Come away for a while and rest.

Coming and going, coming and going, that’s what the disciples had been up to. They’ve just returned from a very successful mission trip, healing and preaching and anointing, and can’t you just see them, falling all over themselves to tell Jesus all about it.In fact, the whole gospel up to this point has been like this, coming and going, coming and going, healing after healing, town after town, miracle after miracle, parable after parable, crowds everywhere, following him, touching him, chasing him, questioning him, no time even to eat, to think, to breathe...Come away for a while, and rest.....

Jesus says to the disciples it’s time for a break...for quiet...for, perhaps, an absolute doing of nothing. To sit back in that boat, and just enjoy the view.Now, the text says the disciples just got into the boat and went, but I wonder...I know that if it were me, I’d be thinking..."You know, Jesus, there’s still people to be healed, people to be fed, you know, there’s still work to do, I mean, look at them just waiting for us, the world needs us!"But Jesus just says, let’s go. Rest. Eat. Get into the boat with me, and come away. In the midst of a suffering world, Jesus gave them permission to take care of themselves.

Come away for a while, and rest...

There’s a website I check* just about every day, essentially a photo-journal of a fellow who lives in east Tennessee and hikes around the Applachians and Smokies. All summer long I’ve clicked on his site and enjoyed beautiful photos of someplace I’d rather be than my study carrel in the library. My favorites are his shots of forest creeks and streams and waterfalls...and the occasional photo of his toes pointing downriver on a float trip. I love water, wading in it, floating on it, standing under it, listening to it...I see his photos, and something inside me sinks down around my ankles, a wishful, bittersweet "Ahh," that provides a momentary respite on a busy day.

Come away for a while, and rest...

Seminary life, I think, can be a lot of coming and going, don’t you? One hopes it’s a good coming and going – I mean, the disciples were doing the good work of God, after all, healing and preaching and whatnot – but nonetheless, there’s a lot of coming and going, especially during summer school. I have certainly felt that, and I’m willing to bet you have too: the creeping sense that there is not one more piece of information I can squeeze in between the folds of my brain, not one more drop of creative juice to be wrung out of me.

Coming and going, coming and going, thinking and writing and studying and processing and discussing and reading and debating and standing up and showing up and getting up and what, I’m supposed to eat? Well, let me do that while I check all my e-mail and keep up with the news and write letters to congress and maintain long-distance friendships and answer my voice mail and go to church and volunteer and attend the next meeting and devotional life? What devotional life? I use those extra ten minutes to sleep! Yes, or to clean the cat’s box or load the dishwasher or tend to the weeds or run the errands or fix the toilet or, oh yes, try to have some semblance of life with my beloved...

......all before I have to go back to thinking and writing and studying and processing and discussing and reading and...and...and...

And I tell you one thing. I am ready to get in that boat with Jesus.

Come away with me, and rest...

The truth of the matter is, of course, that life itself is a whole lotta coming and going. We can leave seminary and while the pieces may change or re-arrange, our time and effort and intellect will continue to be demanded of us, by our churches, by our communities, by our families, by our own integrity in following our call, and by our intensely broken and suffering world. Yes, the sermon must be written, yes, injustice must be protested, yes, the sick must be visited, yes, the war must be stopped, yes, the books must be read, yes, the children must be held, yes, our friends and our partners must be loved...And even so...even so...Jesus invites us, in the midst of the suffering and the loving and the healing and the coming and the going...Jesus invites us onto the boat.

Come away for a while. 5 minutes in the middle of studying, a day spent hiking, an evening stretched on the couch letting others tend to you, a sabbatical, a vacation. Come away for a while. Those people who need you will be waiting on the shore when you get back. Come away for a while. Rest up before you burn out and aren’t able to do the work anymore.

Come away...all by yourself...just you and me, says Jesus. Just you and me, and the boat, rocking on the calm water, under the deep blue sky. Come away for a while, and rest.

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*Now defunct. Very sad.

Where'd She Go?

(Originally posted June, 2006).

Wow, has it really been that long since I've posted something?

Well, here's a quick update on my doings:

I'm making straight A's so far in seminary. Two summer school classes now under my belt but no grades yet for those. Just finished up a great class on heterosexism with Mary Hunt from WATER. Very provocative (the class), and Mary's terrific. I'm loving school and I know this is the right place for me.

Yesterday I did my first memorial service, for a woman I was visiting in the hospice program I volunteered with as part of my basic field education. I was nervous but all went well and the family was very happy. I am very thankful that my first hospice experience was with such a great woman who was ready to die and had made peace with her family, and who just exuded love for family, friends, and life in general. The family was ready for her death as well, as she had just been worn out by the leukemia that killed her at age 48.

Did a little sightseeing last week when Sulia Grace was in town; I particularly loved walking through the Garden of the Gods (Goddesses, we claimed). Got to do a little birding, and the red rocks are incredible.

This weekend will see me working on a paper about the subversive, justice-making work of the Holy Spirit in Christian tradition. Yummy stuff. It shouldn't take too long, though, as it's only 5-7 pages and I already have 1 and 1/2 done. So there will be good time for enjoying the 4th, relaxing, and watching baseball.

How about I post a little something I wrote for my Race, Gender, Class class last quarter. That's up next!

I'll do my best not to be quite so silent...

That Grinding Sound You Hear...

(Originally posted March, 2006).

...is my brain crunching through the last of my final papers.

Yep, the first quarter of my seminary experience is over in two days. Wow! I feel great about things so far, and I'm confident I've done well in my classes. I'm learning a lot, contributing a lot, taking on some leadership...so far, seminary life has been just about everything I'd hoped it would be. I'm loving it!

Now, to finish that paper on Paul...